Forging Through February
Protecting our Hearts
In February, the month of love, we are surrounded by symbols of hearts in every form and size through advertising and social media. We are bombarded with powerful images emphasizing the importance of giving and receiving cards, gifts, candy, and flowers perceived as the ultimate symbol of love for our family, friends, and those we love. These experiences often lead to romanticizing love, as we begin to hyperfocus on how social media projects this image of what love is “supposed to look like”. This then triggers our inner dialogue with messages of inadequacy and failure if our relationships are not in some perfect state. Anxiety then begins to rise, often igniting our inner dialogue filled with critical and judgmental messages because who has actually ever experienced a perfect relationship? There are no perfect relationships. Our vulnerabilities provide opportunities for social media to capitalize on our insecurities and leave us feeling another sense of failure thinking our relationships should be “perfect.’ These negative feelings provide an opportunity for a Self-Compassion intervention.
The practice of Self-Compassion provides an opportunity for recognizing that life is actually flawed and imperfect. As human beings, we are imperfect and therefore so are our relationships. By recognizing that all relationships have challenges and struggles, high points and low points, we can let go of unrealistic expectations of what we believe our relationships “should’ look like or what our friends or family member’s relationships do look like. Some people have an amazing capacity to make their relationships look absolutely perfect from the outside, but that does not necessarily mean that is what they truly look like on the inside.
Relationships involve interpersonal interactions between individuals who are not perfect. Individuals who have different perspectives, feelings, values, and beliefs. If you consider your family of origin, I’m sure you will agree that you sometimes wonder how you all came from the same parents? We try to navigate these relationships, sometimes gracefully honoring these differences. Other times, the differences are too vast, and it is unrealistic to maintain relationships with individuals with whom we have nothing in common, even when we share a family bond.
I hope that you will think about the Self-Compassion practice when you are challenged in managing your inner dialogue during times of stress in relationships in your daily life. You can manage this dialogue so that the message reflects Kindness. Remember that you are never alone; you are a part of our Greater Humanity. Mindfulness means that you will always try to remain present during difficult moments. It is so important that you practice the same compassion with yourself that you would with a friend or a family member. In times of struggle or conflict, give yourself patience and understanding. Remember that you too are human, well intentioned, hard working, and always doing your very best! Our brains are normed in more negative reactive thinking in response to most of our interactions and experiences. This may lead to low self esteem and feelings of anxiety and depression. This intentional work is so important to reprogram our brain and bring the opportunity for change. Self-Compassion brings new thinking with self-care, self- awareness, and self-concern. You are worthy of the same love, attention, and patience that you would share with a family member or loved one.
The American Heart Association uses this month to create awareness of the importance of heart health. The Heart Association encourages us to love our hearts by living healthy lives with exercise, nutrition, and strong mental health practices. The heart is one of the strongest muscles in our body. It is charged with ensuring that our entire body is nourished. Our heart beats one hundred thousand times a day, pumping approximately two thousand gallons of blood through a complex system of vessels in our bodies that could cover over sixty thousand miles if stretched from end to end. The heart is a powerful symbol representing how we love and care for our bodies. In many cultures, both past and present, our heart is believed to also be the compass of our soul: a guide for living our lives with love and compassion. Let us continue to work together to take good care of our hearts.
Until next time, be safe, be mindful, and be kind to yourself.