Joining January
Personal Growth is Essential
As we navigate the month of January, women are surrounded by messages with the expectation for improvement and change - let go of past practices and create new declarations and proclamations with regard to who we are going to be in this new year. The strong implication being who we are is clearly not good enough. Messages are that we must be thinner, or more attractive, a better mother, or a more accomplished professional. We must be smarter, more fit, or a better friend. When all is said and done, there is really nothing that we have done exactly the way that it “should” be done, and the list just goes on and on.
Why does our culture demand that we begin each new year identifying all of our imperfections and shortcomings with promises to improve? Who started this tradition of never ending pressure? When I reflect on the year 2024, I try to consider what I have learned. This year, I learned that things do not always turn out the way that I hoped that they would, or the way that I think they should. I learned that sometimes things just stay broken. I learned that you can get through some very difficult times and continue to look for better ones. Finally, I learned that it is important to remember that forgiving is for you, not the other person. Forgiving does not require you to forget.
As women, how can we enter this new year with a strong positive presence? Our compassion has traditionally been committed to those we care about and love. It has rarely been dedicated to our own self-care. We are entirely routinized to our last place status when it comes to ourselves. This year, I offer this challenge to create a personal intention. There is a gentleness to this word which I define as a simple plan for your new year. This intention is very different than the traditional RESOLUTION, which has been defined as a firm decision, which we know is rarely followed beyond the month of January.
These plans can be as large or as small as are comfortable for you, depending on where you are in your self-compassion journey. Perhaps you have wanted to carve out time to go to the gym a few times a week and not been able to schedule it. Maybe you have friends who are in a book club that you have not joined because you don’t like to be away from home during your children’s bedtime, but you make a commitment to join that book club. It could be that you are looking at changing jobs, altering your career path, or considering retirment. It is simply about taking that first step, whatever it is. You must then keep that time sacred, no matter what. For some of us, this will be easy to begin and to expand upon. For some, there will be guilt, and you may need to reach out to some friends for support and encouragement. Please do not be afraid to do this. We can not take this journey alone. We are not alone.
Remember, we are all a part of our greater humanity. This ensures that we are always provided a connection when we have feelings of inadequacy and failure. Everyone is human. Everyone feels pain and suffers. We often forget this because we, especially those who identify as female, are very clever at hiding this suffering from our public. We get up in the morning, we look in the mirror, and we put on our public face, and no one really knows what is going on inside our heart. We spend our day deflecting our energy to care for others, fulfilling our responsibilities, getting it done.
I am suggesting that we do not have to put on this public face any more. We can acknowledge that we need to take time out to take care of ourselves. We can talk to each other about these needs and the plans that we make to respond to these needs. We have each other. You will be amazed once the conversation begins among your friends and the veil is lifted, how many of your friends, no matter how confident they seem, have the need for stronger self compassion in their lives.
In this new year, I hope you will join me on this journey of integrating Self-Compassion into our daily lives. I hope to publish this blog twice each month. I hope that you will follow along.
Until then, be safe, be mindful, be kind to yourself.