Contagious Compassion
Seasonal Messages
At 5:01 am Thursday morning spring officially arrived. Despite the damp, foggy weather, I found myself feeling enthusiastic and optimistic as I knew the day represented a new beginning as well as an end to a winter that had been long, cold, and harsh. This winter we experienced colder temperatures, stronger winds, and greater amounts of snow that were certainly more similar to traditional Maine winters that were more familiar to me growing up. They challenged families who lacked resources to pay for heating oil, or struggled with school closings, as well as icy driving conditions.
This winter has also been long, cold, and harsh with regard to relationships within our country and with our country's allies. Regardless of your political beliefs, or party affiliation, everyone has been impacted. Everyone has suffered. For me, today, it seems as though we have been living in this time of cold, harsh, disagreement forever. Each day we wake up to hear about another government department that is being dismantled. It is not my place to express here what I believe about the right or the wrong of these decisions. I can say confidently that the chaos that has resulted from the lack of planning for the people being impacted is beyond horrifying. Consequently, for many, there is tremendous angst and anxiety as we watch and wonder how this will impact “me” and or how will this impact “my children.” I believe the lack of long term planning, and the impulsiveness of decision making, has left many Americans feeling worried and hopeless.
I also believe that the internal conflicts and lack of resolution and agreement in our country are so divisive among family and friends that we can not and do not talk about them. When we have tried to talk about what is going on, it has driven wedges between family members. It has ended friendships. In many cases, individuals simply decide not to talk about anything that is going on in our government so that the relationship can be preserved. There is a lot of guilt that I hear individuals express about this strategy. Feeling that it is important to “be involved and stand up for what you believe.” I agree that this is true. There are ways to do this independently without losing or compromising relationships or your mental health. You are able to get as involved as you want to be independent of your relationships that have differing views. There are many resources available to support you.
I believe that one of the reasons we are here is that we have lost words like mutual respect, understanding, empathy, compassion, and concern for one another in this new culture that is being created. It is very disappointing, and as a retired educator, it frightens me the most for our children who are watching. I worked as a teacher and a leader in schools for thirty three years. I can not imagine what it would be like to try to teach children today cultural norms for care, concern, empathy, compassion and understanding for their classmates. How will a school function successfully today and how will children be ready to learn without this foundation?
Our world is really hard right now. To begin, the most important thing that we can do is to take care of ourselves. Truly. By taking care of yourself today, you will be in a better space to offer compassion to someone else tomorrow. Our world needs as many people as possible to understand the fundamentals of Self-Compassion. By practicing Self-Compassion, we can then share compassion with others in our day to day lives as we become our best selves.
Self-Compassion includes - The practices of Self-Kindness, being kind to yourself especially during times of struggle or failure. Typically we might beat ourselves up with a running inner dialogue “did you really forget that you made that plan to meet her on Saturday….how could you be so stupid” becomes “ You have way too much going on to remember everything…cut yourself a break…see if you can reschedule. Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the moment even when it is very difficult to be in the moment. Many times when we are faced with or we experience a difficult situation, we bury them. They go unresolved. Mindfulness reminds us to process each situation, as it happens, to keep a healthy heart. Common Humanity teaches us that we are never alone. We are all human beings. As such, we all make mistakes, we all fail, and we all experience suffering. During times of struggle and failure, our first instinct is to isolate. Common Humanity reminds us that we have no need to feel shame or embarrassment. Everyone has these experiences, and we can all support each other in getting through these difficult times of struggle in our lives.
As you grow in the practices of Self-Compassion by practicing these strategies in your daily routines, you will find that you will experience an inner calm and peace that will replace the anxiety and stress that is more familiar to you. It does not happen immediately. I suggest that you choose one strategy to begin your compassion journey, and try to stay as aware as possible of your practice. In addition, think about where you see compassion in others as you navigate your day to day life. Let’s all try to create more awareness about the importance of compassion in our world as this beautiful spring begins!
Until next time, be safe, be mindful, and be kind to yourself.